Death on the Brain


Yes, I’m thinking about death again. One thing I’m learning about this battle with cancer is that it’s quite relentless. The time between chemo treatments isn’t long enough to fully recover; the time feeling semi-normal isn’t long enough to enjoy; feeling sick and tired gets really old after a while; discouraging stories come at the wrong times.

The other day I overheard a conversation about a boss who died of, you guessed it, colon cancer. The woman talking said he just didn’t respond to the chemo or surgeries. Whenever I hear that, my heart seizes in my chest and I start thinking about death. If it can happen to someone else it can happen to me.

Since then I’ve been thinking about the time I have here, the things I experience, the memories. Yesterday, our six-year-old got her first new bike (two-wheeler) and you should have seen the joy and excitement and pride on her face riding that new bike. I wanted to soak it all in and capture as much of it as I could because I kept thinking that I may not have too much longer with her.

Macabre, I know. But I’m sentimental to start with and stuff like that really sets me off. Then the tears start flowing. Especially when I’m thinking about death.

My wife, Jen, has been a great encouragement, reminding me that my future is in God’s hands and I shouldn’t dwell on what may or may not happen but enjoy the time I’m given in the here and now. Something all of us should do a lot more of.

She mentioned a verse that is still bouncing around in my head. Job, in the midst of his trial and suffering, said, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”

Trust. Something I need to do more of. Thinking about death. Something I need to do less of.

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About mikedellosso

Mike Dellosso is an author of wide-eyed suspense. He writes stories that not only entertain but enlighten.

Posted on August 20, 2008, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Real Live Preacher

    Mike,I don’t comment much, but I do get by to read your story. I prayed for you and your family today. I prayed for strength and good perspective for you all.

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  2. In the 80’s my husband and I felt called by God to the mission field. We had to give up our home possessions and friends to go to college. Two terms in our daughter was diagnosed at 6 years old with Leukaemia, my son of 8 began to have epileptic fits and my husband ,the following year had a heart attack. I got so mad with God ,how could he do it.But ,my daughter is after 2 years of chemo and many years of medication is now 26!!! Many prayed and many lives were touched but it was agony for all of us.My son has learned to live with epilepsy and is 27.His “thorn”.My husband went to Jesus at the age of 39, and when the children were in their early teens. But here we all are still getting on with everyday life. I have no answers I can only tell you God is BIG and constant and NEVER makes mistakes, we get bruised, but we are battering his chest from inside his arms when we protest.I will pray for you, for strength and a knowledge of the love of God which is just for you that will blow your socks off! Hope this is encouraging…. once when someone tried to comfort me I wanted to punch them…not very christian…but thats another story… In his grip, Jenni xx

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  3. Susan J. Reinhardt

    Hi Mike -A friend recently went through a bout with breast cancer. She was at Stage 4 when diagnosed and given little chance to survive. They gave her chemo and surgically removed the cancer. She did not need a mastectomy.Her last check-up she was cancer free. Doctors don’t have the last word. Our trust is in the Lord. No matter whether we’re sick or well, savoring life is a good idea. Don’t let the enemy rob you of the joy you experienced with your daughter.Blessings,Susan

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  4. Mike,Please know that I will be lifting you and your family up today as every day. Hold tightly to His hand! Give your precious wife and daughters extra hugs and kisses and soak up their joy as your own!Extra cyber-hugs coming your way!Kim

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  5. Mike, I wish I had even a word of profundity to offer for your difficult journey, but I don’t. Especially since I’m just a very flawed guy seeking God’s mercy on a daily basis.I’m praying and fasting and seeking personal encouragement through Hebrews 4:14-16 today. “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

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  6. Mike, before I logged in and read this post, that very verse your wife shared was going through my mind for you. And I paraphrased that to pray, “That you would praise Him, no matter what.” There is a day of death-into-life appointed for each of us. Rest in knowing that whenever that is, soon, decades from now, or as part of the entire church taken up together, that it has been chosen by Him for a reason. It’s precious to Him. As Susan posted, docs don’t have the last word. Neither does cancer. That’s reserved for the One who loves us more than we can possibly fathom.

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  7. Even though I know you’re a fighter, thought you could use the encouragement:Never, Never, Never, Never, Never, Never, NEVER give up! God has you in the palm of his hand and has surrounded you with wonderful support!

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