Giving In to the Chisel
In some ways looking back on this whole cancer thing is like remembering a dream. Bits and pieces float in and out of my memory, some scenes more vivid than others, some I’m not sure if I’m remembering correctly, some haunt me in the middle of the night.
(I know I keep talking about this “cancer thing” but when you’ve lived through something that’s truly changed your life it’s hard to shut up about it. Sorry.)
I have new fears (even though I want so desperately to live fearlessly) and one is the hospital. And I have fears I’ve conquered–needles don’t bother me anymore. I’ve experienced pains and discomforts I’ve never felt before and hope I’ll never feel again. And I’ve felt joy and excitement over things I only would have raised my eyebrows at before.
Cancer has totally shifted my paradigm, altered my perspective on life.
And that’s good.
I see all this, the good, the bad, and the ugly, as all a process the Father is using to shape me to look more like His Son. Sometimes it hurts and I say, “Please stop; I don’t want to take any more.” Sometimes it brings joy and, like leaning into a good scratch, I say, “Oh, yeah, right there, over a little to the left, now harder.” It’s all part of the experience called life that God uses to mold us into the child He wants us to be. We can go with it or fight it.
I’d like to say I go with it all the time, but I’m not arrogant enough to say my faith is that strong. I fight. Boy, do I fight. But thank God for His patience and loooongsuffering. He hangs with me until I see the need to give in and let Him do His thing in my life.
I heard a story once where a famous sculptor was carving a magnificent lion out of a block of granite. When the masterpiece was almost complete, a passerby and admirer approached the artist and asked, “How do you do it?”
“Do what?” the sculptor said.
“How do get such a remarkable likeness from a formless chunk of rock.”
The artist smiled. “Oh, that. It’s easy. I just chisel away everything that doesn’t look like a lion.”
Hmmm. Am I allowing God to chisel away everything in my life that doesn’t resemble Jesus?