One Year in the Life of

It was last St. Patrick’s Day, one year ago, when I got the phone call at work that the biopsy of my tumor was positive–I’m very sorry but you have colon cancer.

Since then, that sentence has become like one word in my mind: Imverysorrybutyouhavecoloncancer.

One word that changed my life forever. Jen and I will always refer to our lives as BC and AC now. Before Cancer and After Cancer.

I will never be the same. That’s good and not so good.

Good because my year with cancer refined me in many ways, matured me, strengthened me, softened me and hardened me (yes, that’s possible). Not so good because I lost a certain innocence. I never used to think of death in terms of “when” not “if”.

But maybe that is a good thing. Thinking about death and recognizing it as a certainty is not necessarily a bad thing, not even necessarily a not-so-good thing.

In some ways I feel like I lost a year of life. Like I was robbed and can never have that year back. The things I missed. The things I didn’t notice. The times I chose to stay on the sidelines or was forced to remain there. Those things and those times are gone forever.

In other ways I feel like it was a year I could never even hope to repeat. The things I experienced; the things I learned; the lessons that finally sunk into my head and heart. All invaluable stuff. The stuff living is made of.

It’s funny, when I look back on it, the year seems to have gone by in a blur and in slow motion. I can still feel the pain of some of the procedures I went through, of the surgeries and all their grisly trimmings. My stomach still tightens if I think too much about that ostomy and the ominous possibility of having to deal with it again at some point in my life. I can still smell the chemotherapy emanating from my pores, feel the stick of the needle as it accessed my port.

But I can also still bask in the warm light of God’s forever love. Hear His voice in my ear, feel His hand around mine. He is still so close to me I feel like I could literally reach out and touch Him. That’s the good stuff.

It was year to remember and year to forget. A year of pain and year of triumph.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me through it.


About mikedellosso

Mike Dellosso is an author of wide-eyed suspense. He writes stories that not only entertain but enlighten.

Posted on March 17, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Bonnie Calhoun

    Praise the Lord! God is good!


  2. Mike, this is why I read this blog. It’s searingly honest and real, from a heart that both rejoices and hurts. I think that all of us who read what you write here believe we’re walking along side you and your family. I’ve never had an experience like this, but I’ll keep walking with you, even if I don’t know what to do or say, for however long it takes.


  3. This is such honesty. Reminds me of the psalms – the utter horror of life, then praise to the God who holds us in his hands. I’m Bonnie. I just started blogging and came across your blog through a writing site. My address is http://www.bonniemays.blogspot.comThanks for sharing!


  4. Mike, your summation of the year is so uplifting and helps me remember my priorities. As I’ve shared with you, I have a chronic illness, the trials of which have drawn me closer to God than I ever could have imagined. If given the opportunity to go back in time, remove the illness and return to the more distant relationship I had with God, I would take the illness. Took me years to say this and on some days I wonder if I really mean it, but suffering does have a way of stripping life down to the essentials. I praise God for your health and pray for your continued healing.


  5. What a powerful post, Mike! And what a sober reminder that none of us know what our tomorrows will bring – may we live every day serving the Lord with all of our heart!I praise the LORD for seeing you through this valley.


  6. Praise God.


  7. Susan J. Reinhardt

    Hi Mike -Praise the Lord He’s brought you through a difficult year. We continue to pray for health, strength, wisdom, and direction for you and your family.Blessings,Susan


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