Looking for Some Help . . . Am I Nuts?
I’ve always been a sentimental person. I’ve always been a homebody. I like being home with my family. Is that wrong? I don’t think so.
But here’s the thing. Lately, and really, since the whole cancer thing, I’ve been REALLY sentimental, feeling homesick even when I’m home. There have been times when I’ve gone in the girls’ room after they’ve fallen asleep and just watched them sleep . . . and cried. I’ve gone in late at night and laid on the floor in their room just to be close to them. I have this extreme fear of losing them.
I go through phases where I’m overly attached to Jen. I get something almost like separation anxiety when we’re apart.
And my nerves seem like their always stretched pretty tight. It doesn’t take much to get the tears flowing. My feelings get hurt easily and I feel insecure.
Now, lest you think I’ve really lost my marbles, this isn’t all the time. What I described above comes and goes. Stress seems to bring it on but not always. It seems to come in waves.
Is this normal? Probably not, but my really question is: Is it normal for a cancer survivor? I’ve heard you never really get over a battle with cancer. It changes you, leaves something there that is a constant reminder of your mortality and the mortality of everyone you love.
So here’s what I need help with. For anyone reading this who either is a cancer survivor or who has lived with one, what do you think? What’s been your experience? Do you still struggle with these kinds of feelings? Do you still wrestle with the fear of loss or separation?
Or am I just nuts?