The Big Follow-Up
I see the oncologist today for my first four-month follow-up. Blood work will also be done.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about this appointment, if I said I haven’t been thinking about it for a couple weeks now, wondering what the blood work will show, wondering how I will react if the news isn’t good. Knowing how I’ll react if the news is good.
I’m seeing a patient right now who is battling cancer. She’s terminal but has been holding onto the hope that things will turn around. Last week she saw her oncologist and he broke the news that the cancer is spreading and there’s nothing they can do to stop it.
Reality smacked me across the cheek.
Now, I know what I’m NOT supposed to think; I know I’m NOT supposed to worry, NOT supposed to be anxious, NOT supposed to entertain negative thoughts. I try to close my mind to that stuff, but they’re there, like water seeping through the cracks of a stone foundation, finding their way in.
I have questions for the doctor too. Why am I suddenly allergic to cashews? Why am I still sunburning so easily? Why are my fingertips and soles of my feet still numb? When can I get this port out of my chest?
Needless to say, today is a big day for me. My appointment is at 1:00.
In writing news, a review of Scream has been posted on the website TitleTrakk.com. Good stuff.