30 Days of Faith: Day 6
I grew up in the church but became a Christian at the age of 13 shortly after the death of my grandmother. As we were going through her personal belongings, I found her prayer list tucked inside her Bible and my name was written on it. I felt God prodding telling me it was time to turn my life over to Him and follow His plan for my life.
Oh, how I wish it had been as easy as saying “Yes, Lord, let it be as You have said”; however, as most teenagers do, I rebelled. I stayed on course until I went to college at which time I was led to believe I knew the best course for my life and even though I still kept hold of my faith in God, I wandered away from the church after I married a man who misled me into believing that He was a Christian when even his actions showed me that he was not. Alas, love will make you do crazy things.
Doubts about getting married flooded my mind, but the embarrassment of cancelling the wedding overrode any doubts that entered my mind. Seven years later, pregnant and back home with my parents, it was apparent that I should have listened to those noisy voices in my head warning me this would happen. Throughout the 12 years that I was a single parent, God never once left my side even when I made some detours around His will. I felt His loving touch as I forged a new life for me and my daughter.
Jobs came and went and each new position led to new ways of leaning on God especially when I was sexually harassed at work and had to choose between doing the right thing or just walking away even when doing the right thing meant I would be the one to suffer the consequences. It was one of the worst experiences of my life and most definitely worse than going through my divorce.
God’s provision in my life has never wavered. He provided for me when I was making minimum wage and after I had moved on and into my dream job continued to provide for me when my position was terminated after a company buy-out. I never missed a day of work as my last day at one job was followed the next day with my first day at my new job.
When my daughter was 12 she was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. For information on what this has been like, watch Parenthood on NBC. After years of going to doctors and therapists, I finally had answers albeit not particularly great ones. Through lots of prayer and determination, my daughter, who I was told would not graduate from high school but might be able to learn a skill, graduated from high school with an advanced degree and is now employed at a major retailer as a sales associate.
I remarried around the time of her diagnosis. My husband and I decided to have a baby soon afterwards because I was nearing 40 and didn’t want to wait too long. We were married in September and I found out I was pregnant at the end of December; however, I had a miscarriage in January. Devastated, we agreed to try one more time. God was ever-present as I mourned the loss of our child and feared that I would not be able to have more children. In June, I found out I was pregnant again but I was experiencing a great deal of pain; however, everything turned out fine and we have a perfect, however humanly flawed, daughter who has brought more joy into our lives than we could ever have imagined.
We have struggled financially because I quit my job when she was born and things didn’t go as well as expected. I’m working full-time again, but it has been a difficult transition. I believe God still works in my life and that everything I have experienced is a part of His plan even though I made Him zigzag a lot.
I may not always follow the right path, but I always struggle to get right back on. It’s a process. Thank goodness God is patient and kind. He certainly has had to be with me.
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