Freaky Friday: My Secret Hatred


Mall of America

(Photo credit: Matti Mattila)

I hate shopping. That’s it; it’s out in the open. Now I no longer have to walk around in shame because I’ve been hiding that dirty secret. And when I say hate, I mean really hate. Loathe. Detest. HATE.

I’m not afraid of shopping or of people or of spending money. This isn’t about fear. It’s about hatred. Shopping for clothes or some new appliance or a car is akin to having every bone in my body broken one by one. I don’t even like running an errand for a single item. A can of spray paint, a quart of oil, a gallon of milk. I do it, yes, but I don’t like it.

Correction . . . I hate it.

You may think I’m weird; you have no idea.

Here’s a list of the top 10 things I’d rather do than be subject to entering a store to shop.

10. Rub chili peppers in my eyes.
9. Bathe in jelly fish.
8. Go to a Justin Bieber concert.
7. Walk a mile on broken glass.
6. Get a nasogastric tube placed.
5. Take 8th grade math over again.
4. Floss a piranha’s teeth.
3. Watch an entire professional chess tournament.
2. Get tarred and feathered.
1. Listen to Nancy Pelosi talk for an hour.

There. Now do you know how much I hate shopping?

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About mikedellosso

Mike Dellosso is an author of wide-eyed suspense. He writes stories that not only entertain but enlighten.

Posted on July 13, 2012, in Freaky Friday, Life in General, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Wow. You realy do hate shopping. I do too. I agree with your list. But numer 1. I couldn’t take that for 5 minutes. When she comes on the news I switch stations until she is gone. But maybe you undestand her better than I do. You probably need to read a 2300 page article on shopping then I’m sure you would love it.

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  2. That’s quite a list. I’m not a big fan of shopping, but I have to admit, the Justin Bieber and Nancy Pelosi thing – I’d rather shop. What’s really fun is when a Justin Bieber song comes on in the store I’m shopping in.

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  3. That’s some serious hatred…therapy?

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  4. Whoa! Listen to Nancy Pelosi for more than a minute? Wow.

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  5. Hahaha. I’m in total agreement with that list. I hate shopping myself and have learned how to get it done in record time. My cousin went with me once and was amazed that I we were only there for a little over twenty minutes. The only exclusion to my hatred of shopping is when it’s to a book store or when I’m looking at anime (which is almost completely gone from stores now so I usually have to do that online anyway).

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    • Well, Melin, I guess if you push me I’d say the same thing, that the only exclusion is a bookstore. There’s just something about them that doesn’t feel like “shopping.” 🙂

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  6. Abigail Richmond

    I don’t think your crazy, because I hate shopping too. The only place I love shopping at is a Bookstore. (make that a Christian Bookstore)

    Like

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