My Big Jerky Mouth


The other day my wife and I got in an argument. Yes, it happens. It shouldn’t because most of the things we argue about are totally avoidable and afterwards seem very insignificant . . . but it does happen.

It was my fault, too. I said something insensitive and hurtful. At the time I didn’t realize how hurtful it was or maybe I just didn’t want to realize it. I didn’t mean it to wound.

But it did.

And when confronted with it I didn’t want to admit it. Words were exchanged and then we both fell silent, the tension between us as thick as mud.

But there was a moment. I don’t know where it came from or how it got in my head but I looked at her sitting there on the sofa and didn’t see her as my wife who I was at odds with but as a person. A person with feelings and desires and dreams.Β I put myself in her shoes.

And it hit me. I was wrong. I hurt her. My tongue had caused a wound. My big jerky mouth had done it again. I felt the sting of my words, the disappointment, the loneliness they caused.

But still I couldn’t admit it. My pride was pushing back, telling me I didn’t mean it, it wasn’t my fault, she’s too sensitive.

I wrestled. Boy did I wrestle. If my inner turmoil would have manifested itself physically I would have been writhing on the floor, moaning, groaning, straining.

Finally, I threw pride aside and admitted I was wrong. I told her I’d been insensitive and that it wasn’t fair of me to say what I said. I apologized.

SHAME

(Photo credit: BlueRobot)

And then came the shame. Sometimes, I can’t stand to be me. My tongue can be so sharp, my sensitivity so dull, my pride such a bully. I wanted to crawl under a rock and not show my face for days.

Then God reminded me how he uses some pretty creative ways to reach us. His spirit spoke to me through my conscience. His forgiveness touched me through my wife. He wiped away the shame and restored my soul.

Today, look for those unique ways God chooses to touch you or speak to you or show you his love.

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About mikedellosso

Mike Dellosso is an author of wide-eyed suspense. He writes stories that not only entertain but enlighten.

Posted on August 12, 2013, in Christian Living, Family and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. Did this happen yesterday? Because that’s the day when my “big jerky mouth” opened up and offended my wife, the love of my life, the woman I want to spend eternity with. Yes, I said a stupid thing without thinking first and the damage was done. I’ve apologized, but I know it will take a while for her to forget. And, like you, I’m feeling the shame of my own stupidity.

    So, thanks for this post. You’re not the only one with a “big jerky mouth.” And we all need to hear that we’re not alone. Bless you brother, and know that God, and Jen, have forgiven you.

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  2. Mike, I’m almost speechless. How blessed I feel that you so humbly shared this. Pride isn’t in your way here. I know when His Holy Spirit convicts us, it is without condemnation. His Spirit is in us, and serves to educate us, to touch us, to change us. . to make us more like Jesus.

    He’s faithful to push aside our self imposed condemnation (shame) for His purpose and His glory.

    I’m glad for both of you that He touched you and broke down your humanness. Darkness doesn’t follow. Nor does it win!

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  3. Great post and perfect timing! Something similar just happened here and this post helped me to see things a little differently. Thanks for putting things into perspective for me, Mike.

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  4. Mike, Thanks for sharing. That happens to all couples at times. I’ve found the book __The Language of Love and Respect__ by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs to be exceedingly helpful.

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  5. Kudos for making yourself vulnerable. More Christians (this includes me, of course) need to take the mask off, then we have real church.

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  6. Mike, thanks for sharing your heart with us and revealing your lack of pride.

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  7. thejourneyisthelife

    Love your honesty in this post. Staying married is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Hearing other Christians talk about the struggle makes me feel more normal in the struggle.

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    • How true, Carla. The hardest thing . . . and the most wonderful (probably because it’s the hardest).

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      • God didn’t design marriage to make us happy, I think. I see it as another of his orchestrations to make us more like Jesus.

        I wish we grew as much through joy as we do through pain and struggle. πŸ™‚

        ‘Tis tough! But another vehicle by which to glorify Him, right?

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  8. Linda Dindzans

    Good timing for me ,too! We had an argument last pm and worked it out, but it was not pretty. As writers we hone our words, but sometimes our talents for wordsmithing can be used to very effectively and efficiently injure.Thankfully, I have a merciful God and husband!

    Like

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