A Cancer Story: Waiting for the Hammer to Fall
**To celebrate Colon Cancer Awareness Month and my six-year anniversary being cancer-free I’m giving away a book a week this month. To enter to win, just leave a comment on any of my “Cancer Story” posts.
Immediately after seeing the surgeon I was sent for a CAT scan. This would show if the cancer had metastasized to any other organs. The scan was no big deal, a lot of “hold your breath, now breathe, hold your breathe, breathe.” The hard part was waiting for the results.
And waiting.
And waiting.
It seemed like an eternity. The results would determine the final course we would take for treatment. They would also be the messengers of hope or doom.
A couple of days later I got the results and they showed there was no visible metastasis.
But it was only the beginning. More tests would follow–x-rays, ultrasounds, internal ultrasounds, scopes, blood work–and more waiting for results. Waiting for the hammer to fall.
By the time I was diagnosed I’d worked in the medical field for ten years and now I knew what it was like to be the person whose life revolved around the next test, the next result. The waiting became almost unbearable, one day ran into another, but each test brought the surgery that much closer.
Through that jungle of tests and results and interpretations and explanations one truth pointed the way and guided my course.
Be still and know that I am God.
I’d repeat it to myself constantly. Frankly, the being still part was difficult. That peace that surpasses all understanding was hard to find. My worry meter was stuck on maximum. But the know that I am God part? Ah, now there was something tangible I could grab onto.
I knew that no matter how I felt about the situation, how I worried, how I fretted, how I impatiently waited for the next result, God was still God, He was still on the throne, He was still calling the shots, He still had me in the palm of his hand.
That was a truth emotions couldn’t manipulate. It was a lighthouse upon a solid rock in the midst of the storm beating against me.
What was the one truth you clung to when the waves swelled and the rain fell?
Posted on March 13, 2014, in Cancer, Life in General and tagged blood tests, Cancer, cancer story, Cancer survivor, CAT scan, Colon cancer, colon cancer awareness month, God's sovereignty. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.
MIKE DELLOSSO 
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Mike! It is so refreshing to read of your real, human responses rather than putting on a “front”. So may times, Christians put on an “act” of pretending hardships are okay because it must be God’s will. We don’t have to be okay with things, but we know that God will make everything okay and will be with us through every step. Thank you for your example!
LikeLike
Well said, Kate. Well said.
LikeLike
These articles help me to understand better what my friends fighting cancer are going through… even or should I say especially the Christians
LikeLike
My SIL is going through chemo and then will have radiation. I can’t imagine. But I do know how it is to fight for your life. I think I posted before about almost dying. I had an experience I KNEW was from God in the middle of all of it, at a point they still didn’t know if I would make it, but I knew things were gonna be alright. In fact I was trying to calm family members when they were allowed in my room. ICU has its strict visiting hrs. Prior to my experience I was terrified of dying. Now I know without one doubt what is on the other side and am not afraid. He will be with me to comfort me when the time comes.
LikeLike
Oh death, where is your sting? Love it, Vicki.
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing, Mike! It’s good to hear that we’re not alone in struggling to be still and wait! My go-to verse for trials is Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” How assuring to know that He is always in control and that He is always with us!
LikeLike
That’s a verse I think of often . . . but not often enough!
LikeLike
Mike, The problem with being in the medical field is that sometimes we know just enough to make us worry more. Thanks for being transparent and sharing your feelings along with your experience. Glad you’ve reached this point, friend.
LikeLike
I think you’re right there, Richard. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss 🙂
LikeLike
Your post hit home Mike. That waiting is as hard to deal with as the chemo. Thankfully God really can give that peace beyond our understanding.
LikeLike
Mine was “You are good and Your mercy endures forever.”
LikeLike
Mike, beautiful brothers, brother. Be still and know that He is the unchanging God. Loving this series, Mike.
LikeLike
Mike… Being able to share your story is Amazing. You help so many people, just by sharing your words!! I am inspired by your posts, just as so many are!! Keep up the great work that you do!! You touch so many people in so many ways!! We all benefit in one way or another just by meeting you, or reading your posts. You are an Amazing person… And thank you for sharing your experiences with all of us!!
LikeLike