A Cancer Story: From Cussing to Trusting


**Just a reminder . . . To celebrate Colon Cancer Awareness Month and my six-year anniversary being cancer-free I’m giving away a book a week this month. To enter to win, just leave a comment on any of my “Cancer Story” posts.

We spent the night before the big surgery at my parents’ home. They live twenty minutes from the hospital and since we had to be there so early it allowed the kids to go back to bed once we left in the morning. When I said my goodbyes to my darling daughters and my parents I honestly didn’t know if I’d ever see them again. The surgery, which would consist of removing a portion of my colon and giving me an ileostomy, is something the surgeon had done many, many times but it was still major surgery and anything can go wrong.

I was also told they wouldn’t know the true extent of the cancer until after the surgery when they biopsied the lymph nodes around the site. I had no idea what kind of news I’d wake up to.

I still have very vivid memories of the hour leading up to surgery but they’re sporadic. I remember the nurse shaving the surgical site and being careful to maintain my modesty. I remember her getting me a blanket from the warmer. The anesthesiologist came in, explained everything, and asked me if I had any questions. I told him to make sure I stayed asleep; I didn’t want to wake up with my guts all hanging out. He assured me he’d put me way under and keep me there.

But the most vivid memory I have is when they rolled me down the hallway to the operating room. Jen walked beside the gurney and held my hand. I remember them wheeling me into the room and watching Jen in the hallway, staring at her, wanting to take in all I could. She forced a smile but I could see the fear in her eyes. Then the double doors swung shut and she was gone. Less than a minute later I was asleep.

And fortunately I didn’t wake up and see my guts all over the bed.

I woke up less a man than when I went in. Over a foot of my colon had been removed and I think I lost several pounds just in those few hours in the operating room. Jen said I was gray, emaciated, and cold and limp as a dead fish. She stroked my hair and asked me how I felt. I said I felt like s**t. It was one of the only times in my life that I’ve cussed in public and I’m not ashamed of it because that’s exactly how I did feel. I felt like someone dragged me to the edge of death, cut me open, fiddled with my guts, sewed me up, and brought me back to the land of the living.

But little did I know at that moment that my hospital stay would push me to the limits of my faith, that I would cry out to God like I never had before. It would be my moment of truth, where I decided if I trust Him or not, where I run from Him or turn and fall into His arms.

What was your moment of truth? That moment where you had to make a decision: do I trust God or don’t I?

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About mikedellosso

Mike Dellosso is an author of wide-eyed suspense. He writes stories that not only entertain but enlighten.

Posted on March 17, 2014, in Cancer, Life in General and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. It is so encouraging to hear survivor’s stories. I am a 4 YEAR survivor of stage IV breast cancer.

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  2. So scary. I can’t imagine hearing the word cancer!

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  3. Thank you for sharing this very personal experience. So glad to see another surviving and thriving from this disease. I am a Stage IIIB breast cancer survivor. The moment I knew I had to put my faith in God in action was when I accepted conventional treatments. My chemo was before surgery. Scary time. Lasted six months. Joshua 1:9 was my “chemo” verse and became my everyday life verse from then on. I knew, no matter what, my life was then and is now, in God’s loving, merciful hands.

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  4. Thank you for continuing to share your inspiring story with us, Mike. I’ve had my own trial of faith in the past two years, also through a medical experience, but not cancer. I am so grateful that I am not a new Christian, but that my faith was cemented long before this trial came, because in the seemingly interminable months of fighting tooth and nail for a diagnosis and treatment plan, I never doubted that the Lord was with me and that He would make everything work out in the end. Yes, there were times when I cried out in anguish–and there still are–but I always knew that He was ultimately in control and would not give me anything beyond what I was able to handle with His loving help.

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  5. Hmmm…not sure why it posted my screen name (litteraegaudium) instead of my name. ~Sarah Snider

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  6. Although my moment of truth centered around something very similar to yours Mike, I wasn’t the one going through the surgery, or the terror of cancer. My husband had esophageal cancer which required a 16 hour surgery to remove his esophagus. During his recovery in the SICU, he clearly hovered between life and death. As I sat by his bedside during a daily ritual of watching his chest rise and fall, I wrestled with my deepest fear of losing my life partner. I was angry that he was here. Angry with the cancer; angry with his VA doctors for procrastinating his surgery allowing the cancer to develop to this stage. But most of all I was angry with God, terrified that I would be left alone after 39 years of marriage. That night I returned to the motel where I sat in my car screaming and crying out to God demanding that He do something. It seemed like hours passed until I had totally exhausted myself. As strange as it may sound, I finally surrendered my husband into Gods hands telling Him, I don’t want to loose him, but I give him to you. Whatever happens I will always love and trust you God, you are the source of my life, I’m nothing without you. The next day I arrived in the SICU to find my husband wake sitting upright. He smiled when he saw me. My dark night of the soul was over, I knew he would recover. That was February 2006, he’s healthy and happy to God be the glory great things He has done!

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  7. Mike – we talked about surrendering to Christ last night in my small group and a lot of the conversation was about whether or not we trusted God. We came to the conclusion that it comes down to control, and whether or not we are willing to reliquish that to the Father. One lady asked, “Why is it easy to accept that He loved me enough to die on a cross to give me eternal life, and they turn around and doubt His ability to take care of me?” Control…the same sin that took Lucifer down from Heaven…is ever present with us, and the Father loves us enough to get our attention in a way unique to our created being. Then when we finally surrender our lives to Him, He can begin His Work in us that causes us to reflect the glory of His Son.

    Trust…it’s an issue that has been destroyed in many area of my life over the past couple of years…and my Savior just keeps showing His love to me in such uniquely personal ways through it all….HE IS FAITHFUL!!! And HE IS TRUSTWORTHY!! Especially when we face the unknown. That’s His specialty – FAITH!! What a MIGHTY God we serve!!

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  8. My friend was just diagnosed with colon cancer recently and she had surgery. Do you think you would like to meet her to encourage her? She is just a little older than me with two daughters, one younger than Sophia.

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  9. I think this is the 2nd time I’ve read this particular time of your cancer journey & once again it brought me to tears. So proud of you & Jen for hanging onto the Lord and each other.

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