My Big Jerky Mouth
The other day my wife and I got in an argument. Yes, it happens. It shouldn’t because most of the things we argue about are totally avoidable and afterwards seem very insignificant . . . but it does happen.
It was my fault, too. I said something insensitive and hurtful. At the time I didn’t realize how hurtful it was or maybe I just didn’t want to realize it. I didn’t mean it to wound.
But it did.
And when confronted with it I didn’t want to admit it. Words were exchanged and then we both fell silent, the tension between us as thick as mud.
But there was a moment. I don’t know where it came from or how it got in my head but I looked at her sitting there on the sofa and didn’t see her as my wife who I was at odds with but as a person. A person with feelings and desires and dreams. I put myself in her shoes.
And it hit me. I was wrong. I hurt her. My tongue had caused a wound. My big jerky mouth had done it again. I felt the sting of my words, the disappointment, the loneliness they caused.
But still I couldn’t admit it. My pride was pushing back, telling me I didn’t mean it, it wasn’t my fault, she’s too sensitive.
I wrestled. Boy did I wrestle. If my inner turmoil would have manifested itself physically I would have been writhing on the floor, moaning, groaning, straining.
Finally, I threw pride aside and admitted I was wrong. I told her I’d been insensitive and that it wasn’t fair of me to say what I said. I apologized.
And then came the shame. Sometimes, I can’t stand to be me. My tongue can be so sharp, my sensitivity so dull, my pride such a bully. I wanted to crawl under a rock and not show my face for days.
Then God reminded me how he uses some pretty creative ways to reach us. His spirit spoke to me through my conscience. His forgiveness touched me through my wife. He wiped away the shame and restored my soul.
Today, look for those unique ways God chooses to touch you or speak to you or show you his love.
41 and 16 in the Bag!
A big thank you for all the birthday and anniversary wishes yesterday. Jen and I had a wonderful day with the girls. We went to the national aquarium in Baltimore then came home and made a dinner of crab cakes, steamed shrimp, and corn-on-the-cob. Perfect in every way.
And now that 41 and 16 are in the bag I have another whole year to make every day a celebration of life and marriage.
30 Days of Faith: Day 17
I want to share about a promise that God gave me back in 1987 that took ten years to see fulfilled.
I was married to my first husband, a nonbeliever, who had a very bad temper. One day on his job he lost his temper, called me at work, and gave me the ultimatum of my marriage or my job. At that time I was working at Strang Communications-–working as a secretary in the magazine and book division.
I called my pastor in tears because I knew God had given me this job during the time my husband and I were separated. We had since then reunited. After prayer and counsel with my pastor, I honored my husband and submitted my resignation that day.
The moment I handed in my resignation, I heard these words in my spirit: “You will be back.”
Once I got home, my husband had calmed down and retracted what he had said, but I told him that I knew he preferred me to not work outside the home and to stay home with our three children, which I did (and I had a blast doing so and being part of their lives in school, etc.).
Bottom line, years later we still ended up divorced, and I remarried in 1995.
I had forgotten about that promise–-”You will be back”–-but in the process of job hunting in the years after 1995, I started freelancing with the book division of Strang. This I did up to November 1997 when I got a call offering me a copyediting position in the book group. I started December 8, 1997, and these have been the best 14 years of my working life.
God honored my obedience in my submission (there it is-–that “bad” word) to my husband even though he wasn’t a Christian, and He brought me back to a job I loved, but with more responsibilities and doing what He has gifted me with.
There is so much more I could share, but I chose this story because of the time between the promise and the fulfillment. And the fact that I had “forgotten” what God had promised, but He still brought it to pass.
30 Days of Faith: Day 7
My mother-in-law is the family matriarch. We lived under her for years and it was a contributing factor in crippling my marriage. I kept asking God to release me from her control, but it only got worse. It’s a very long tale, but the short version of God’s blessing, release and miracle was triggered by what He asked me to do.
I kept sensing God ask me to pray for my MIL. I didn’t for a long time, primarily because I was afraid God would ask me to walk more closely in relationship with her, to submit to her. I’m so foolish, not listening to God, being afraid of a person and His will.
Once I began praying for her, God released me from her control and even the relationship. Honest. He did. My marriage began to heal. My husband was able, after 15 years, to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. We even moved away.
Life is good. God is better!
**Be sure to come back every day for more stories of God’s faithfulness!