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Ten Ways to be an Uber Annoying Tourist Driver

English: A Led Traffic lights

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The other day I posted on Facebook how I thought the town of Gettysburg must be surrounded by some anti-intelligence force field that causes people to forget how to drive when they enter the town. Really, it’s pretty pathetic. So in that spirit I’ve decided to count down the ten most annoying things you can do as a tourist when you get behind the wheel. Hey, being annoying is fun, right? Here we go:

10. Run red lights. Really, what’s the point of them? All that color stuff can get pretty confusing. Just go when you want to, cars will stop.

9. Run stop signs. Even less important than traffic lights. You don’t really have to stop, you know. It’s just a suggestion.

8. Fail to use turn signals. They serve no purpose. You know which way you’re turning (most of the time) and that’s good enough.

7. Drive ten miles under the posted speed limit. It says speed limit for a reason. You shouldn’t go faster than it, but nothing says you can’t go slower. Hey, go as slow as you want.

6. Stop in the middle of the road. There are no signs that say you can’t. Really, look for them. You won’t find ’em.

5. Drive through crosswalks . . . while a pedestrian is crossing. You’re in a car; you’re bigger, they can look out for you!

4. Turn into oncoming traffic. They’ll move. Trust me.

3. Drive the wrong way down a one way street. Whoever thought a one way street was a good idea anyway?

2. Honk your horn when you’re doing something wrong. This will alert those around you that they should pay closer attention. It’s very conscientous of you to do so.

1. Pack yourself and your 50 friends into McDonald’s so locals have to wait a half hour to order a lousy sweet tea. (Okay, that has nothing to do with driving but it’s oh so annoying). The locals don’t mind. They’re happy to have you contributing to the tax base.

So there you go. The next time you go sightseeing or visit a tourist attraction try these solid gold techniques for being a really annoying tourist driver. Trust me, you’ll thank me for the heads-up.

Got any other ways we all can be uber annoying tourists? Let’s hear ’em . . .

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Winner of Books Announced

Winner

Winner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First of all, thank you so much for your birthday and anniversary wishes both on this blog and Facebook and Twitter. We had a wonderful week on Maryland’s eastern shore just relaxing and spending time together as a family. It was one of those vacations you don’t want to end but reality knocks on the door and won’t be turned away. Life, with all its responsbilities and bills and schedules and duties will not be ignored.

Bummer.

Enougt of that, though, and on to the winners of the books.

The winner of a copy of Frantic is Whitney!

The winners of Rearview are Kyle W. and Ryan K.!

Congratulations to each of you. I’ll be contacting you shortly for you information. Thank you everyone for the kind comments you left. You uplifted me . . . again!

Back to Reality

Our vacation in Maine has all but come to an end. We travel home today, an all-day event in itself, and we’re all feeling a little bummed. Vacations are like that. They’re an escape from reality, from the business of life, the stress of the day-to-day, from responsibilities, phone calls, bills, alarm clocks . . . from life. But they always end and then it’s back to the real world and the big adjustment.

We love Maine. It’s motto is so right on: The way life should be. Laid back, simple, rural, slow-paced, Maine is the anti-northeast state. Along the coast are small fishing villages, lobster pounds, rocky shorelines, lighthouses, and cool temperatures. Further inland there are small villages, lakes, farms, and pine trees. The air is crisp and clean, the nights dark and quiet, and the landscape breathtaking.

We love Maine.

Here are ten things I learned while here:

1) The state tree of Maine is–no surprise here–a white pine; the state flower is–no surprise–the white pine cone. Huh? Who knew a pine cone was a flower?

2) 90% of Maine is forested. In Maine, people are the intruders and driving the back roads confirms it. You can travel for miles and not see a single home, nothing but trees and most of them pine trees.

3) Even though a schooner heels (tips to one side) dramatically, it won’t capsize. There are many forces of physics working to keep the boat on top of the water.

4) It is possible for a night to be so dark that you can see more stars than just the main constellations.

5) It is possible for a night to be so quiet that I can’t sleep.

6) Mainers generally don’t like to be called Mainiacs. It’s Mainer, thank you.

7) Mainers take great pride in their state, something all of us “from away” could learn.

8 ) There is a place in Maine where an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Thunder Hole is located in Acadia National Park and is a 10 foot by 50 foot corridor carved into the rocky coastline where water rushes in at tremendous speed and collides with the granite base producing a sound like thunder. It is an incredible sight to see this relentless, unstoppable force butt heads with a truly immovable object over and over again.

9) There are still places left in this country where not everyone worries about keeping up with the Joneses or the latest fashions or winning the unwinnable rat race.

10) Maine suits my family just fine.

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